I have been in Amtgard on and off for almost a year... I am a fat girl but strong and willing to push myself. The second time I ever went out to Midnight Sun in Garland, TX, most of my insecurities were tested in one short afternoon.
1. I am an introvert and was at Midnight Sun on a crowded Saturday afternoon! Many cool looking people all around - I only knew 2 out of the entire crowd.
2. I do not like relying on other people - First thing, I had to borrow weapons from Omnique, Logan, and Rath. I felt less because I did not have weapons of my own. I felt pressure not to break anyone else's weapon.
3. I like having control - Battlegame begins - I have to ask about rules like what do you do when mages point at you, how do you know what they are casting, how long is a death, what is speedcount... I HATE SLOWING PEOPLE DOWN TO ASK SIMPLE QUESTIONS!!!
4. I was put on the front to be cannon fodder - good place for a newby! Someone gets the bright idea to give ME the flag to take to base!!! Arghhh...pressure, I do not run fast, I do not fight well, I do not know what is going on...
5. No one notices I have the flag so I keep an eye out but trot along to the base. All of a sudden I hear loud insistant foot steps. I think they are after me!! I start running and turn my head to look who is after me! (the picture is someone running one way and looking the other!!) I run into a whole in the ground, FALL FLAT ON MY FACE!!!!!!!
6. Remember I am an introvert - I just happen to fall only a few feet in front of the one picnic table where people are hanging out after they have been shattered or are tired or whatever!!! AND NO ONE WAS REALLY AFTER ME!!!!
7. Everyone asks if I am okay and I blush and start walking my twisted ankle out as I proceed to the home base. I am officially embarassed!!
8. Well, as I fell for no apparent reason, someone noticed that I have a flag and starts running after me. I do not know this because my Mind Speak is raging inside my skull and drowning out the foot steps behind me.
9. When the people at my home base start yelling RUN! RUN! I wake up and RUN! RUN! It is really a moderate jog for most young, athletic men - one happened to be RUNNING right behind me! My cool KNIGHT Friend Logan and my cool SQUIRE Friend Nique are ready to take them out - if I could only get there in time!!! I was so intimidated.
10. I close my eyes and just limp/run straight ahead thinking I will either be hit from behind or make it past Logan, Nique, and the rest of my home team! I look rediculous as I had to drop my shield in order to pump my arms faster to get more speed. My garb is falling off around me and I am RUNNING as fast as I can with MY EYES SHUT!!!!
I made it! I ran right past everyone and fell down because the momentum of my big body moving so fast one way I could not stop easily! I was big embarassed! No one cared...everyone was fighting the bad guys and was just glad I made it! They all yelled GOOD JOB...and I felt great!!
moral: Just do what you can - at your own speed. You
will usually expect more of yourself than others do of
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